Nevermind The Posers

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What is the worst name for a band you’ve ever heard? May 18, 2011

Filed under: Music Questions — NVMP @ 8:01 AM
What is the worst name for a band you’ve ever heard?
Hands down, the worst name for a band that I’ve ever heard is Anal Cunt.  I don’t mean to sound like Jimmy from South Park, but come on.  I have reasonable doubts that merchandise is flying off the shelves, as I cannot see people wearing a shirt that has the words ‘Anal’ and/or “Cunt” on it.  Other band names I’m not too fond of are The Devil Wears Prada and Panic! at the Disco.  And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Dead, yes that is the entire name of one band, is a great group but who are they kidding with that name?  Everyone knows it’s just too long.  There, I said it.
I dislike the band name Lady Antebellum (not to mention the music).  At first I disliked it because it made me think of Lady Gaga.  How many Lady-somethings are there going to be?  Then I disliked it because I confused the Latin word acetabulum (the socket of the pelvis that the femur head fits into) with the Latin word antebellum (oops…my bad) which makes absolutely no sense.  Now I dislike it because upon further investigation; the name is a reference to a woman living in the pre-Civil War culture in the slave holding southern states.
Here are a few of the shittiest band names that I have ever seen, courtesy of Australia’s SOUNDWAVE REVOLUTION festival:  Altar Bridge, Versa Emerge, The Pretty Reckless, Dashboard Confessional, Hollywood Undead, Street Dogs, Reliant K, Face to Face, Attack Attack!, Framing Hanley, Watain, Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows (D.R.U.G.S), Steel Panther, Thursday, The Dangerous Summer, Set Your Goals, The Damned Things, In This Moment, White Chapel, Every Time I Die, The Acacia Strain, Story of the Year, Terrible Things, The Swellers, Young Guns, Four Year Strong, This Providence, We Are The Ocean, Make Do and Mend.  YUCK!
Orin Jones
Smart money’s on “Putrid Stench,” “Bile,” or “Cannibal Corpse” (popular 90’s death metal bands).  Wonder how much money I spent and how much I personally killed the planet sucking down and discarding batteries blasting this awful noise on my Walkman personal tape player?  Probably a fuckin’ lot.  I know this is not a question about the worst band—rather, just a name—however, my vote is still for “Lady Gaga,” because every time I hear it—just her name—my mind is besieged by that song…I don’t even know the name…GAH GAH GAGAHGAAHHH….quickly followed by ideations of too personal a nature to speak here.
I can’t think of a band name that really ticks me off specifically, however, any band that has the word “experience” in it truly irks me.  It’s almost the lazy man’s way out, and simultaneously screams of egotism and pomposity.  Also, any band that makes up a word to call themselves really pisses me off.  There are a billion words in the English language, why can’t you use a word (or series of words) we all agree on?
I love this question.  So much of a musical group’s identity is tangled up in its name, as much as it is in their sound.  Having been in a number of musical groups and projects, coming up with the band name can be one of the best, most fun parts of the entire endeavor, but more often than not that fun is short-lived.  All it takes is for a couple of members to throw out their ideas only to have them shot-down, and slowly this process devolves into inner band turmoil.  So, keeping in mind that band names are arrived upon by committee in most cases, unless you’re name is Dave Mathews or Lady GaGa, let’s look at some that are so bad it’s amazing that a group of people actually agreed to them.  #1: Hoobastank – Yeah, I always think kick-ass music when I hear a word that combines tuba and a past-tense notice of stench.  #2: Butthole Surfers – Okay, these days this name probably isn’t so shocking, but in the late 90s this name conjured an image of someone on their couch fingering their bunghole looking for the perfect wave…really gives “Cinnamon and Sugary” a new twist.  #3 Vagina Panthers – you may not believe they’re a real band, but they are…and that’s all I know about them because why the hell would I listen to a band called “Vagina Panthers”?
The worst band name I’ve heard is D.R.U.G.S. (Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows).  It sounds like some kind of weird progressive christian rock band, and the name makes me immediately hate them.

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