Nevermind The Posers

It’s that time of year again and I know there are some terrible Christmas songs out there that make us want to scream and rage.  Here are NVMP’s picks for the topic (more selections to come soon!)

TNT’s Top 5 Worst Christmas Songs
5. “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” by Elmo & Patsy – I love my Grandma and respect her enough to not like this song.  It also a red-neck taste, which immediately turns me off.
4. “I’m Gettin’ Nothin’ For Christmas” by Art Mooney and his Orchestra – This one always got on my nerves.  We can’t be as good as gold all year long and I never wanted to think I was getting nothing for Christmas, that would blow.
3. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” by Jimmy Boyd – This is the kind of shit that messes up kids.  Cheating on your loved one with a fat man dressed in red?  Even if we’re supposed to think that the “santa” mommy is kissing is just daddy dressed up as jolly St. Nick, what will the children think when they grow up?  I say save yourself the family drama and skip this tune.
2. “Do You Hear What I Hear?” by Bing Crosby – Nothing says holiday cheer better than a plea for peace during the Cuban Missile Crisis, just not feeling this one.
1. “Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)” by John Denver – Really John Denver?  I love all of your Christmas songs, but this one never got me into the holiday spirit.  And if your family has to worry about daddy getting drunk this Christmas, coming home at a quarter past eleven and falling down underneath your Christmas tree, then I feel sorry for you.  Gift idea for this daddy?  Rehab.

Hoverbee’s Top 5 (Worst)
5. “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” by Elmo & Patsy – Sure, the lyrics are good for a laugh, but the vocals and the music are simply awful.
4. “Dominick the Donkey” by Lou Monte – This is one of the most annoying Christmas songs ever.
3. “Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt – Santa is this woman’s sugar daddy.  She sensually begs him for a fur, a car, a ring and a yacht.
2. “Little Saint Nick” by The Beach Boys – The Beach Boys bastardize “Little Deuce Coup” for a holiday hit.
1. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” by Jimmy Boyd – Presumably, the man seen kissing mommy is the child’s father in a costume.  For some reason, I just think your mom’s a strumpet.

Mark’s Top 5
5. “All I Want For Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey – ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.  Proving again and again that shitty, unoriginal and uninspired music can indeed happen during Christmas, and assholes will still buy it.  GAG.
4. “The Hannukah Song” by Adam Sandler – It was only funny the first time that I heard it.  After losing relevance within the first year of existence, DJs and Program Directors all over the country continue to display their “mastery” of the U.S. music markets by continuing to play and play and play and play and play this shit from Thanksgiving through the New Year.
3. “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano – Over-kitschy, corny and wayyy over-played.  But thank you for the Christmas wishes anyway.
2. “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon – Not a bad song actually.  This makes #2 on the list due to the fact that the song is a “delightfully cheerful” condemnation of war (in this case, Vietnam) by way of Christmas themes, with Lennon slamming his audience over the head with drama.  Thank you for mixing events and making Christmas seem bleak and unhappy.  And this tune also has the dubious honor of being one of the most over-played Christmas related songs ever.
1. “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” by Band Aid – Shit, complete and utter self-indulgent shit.  Was it for a good cause?  Sure.  Is the song good?  NO!  If they cared so much, why didn’t they just donate a part of their album sales, or just give some money from their own pockets?  Perhaps even releasing the single to raise more money in addition to their own?  No way.  Instead, they rush to write a dreadful song, with tons of artists who mostly go unnoticed during the song and release a cheery, yet dramatic holiday single to raise the money to help alleviate Ethiopian famine: by raiding their fans pockets.  All of the glory, none of the responsibility.  Boo, Bob Geldof…BOO!